Why is dating so hard these days? And what should we consider when thinking about marriage?
Living in the San Francisco Bay Area, I've observed a unique dating culture shaped by the region's tech-centric environment. Despite being married, I'm eager to expand my social circle with new female friends, utilizing Bumble's BFF mode to connect with like-minded individuals. This urge for fresh connections became pronounced post-COVID, amidst a surge in online interactions. It applies to dating too. Many people find it very easy to meet others with a simple swipe right; both men and women have realized that dating has become more accessible. So, if you have favorable conditions, you'll likely have plenty of opportunities. However, if you lack certain qualities, it might make dating even more challenging.
Many of my female friends have expressed frustration with the dating scene here, noting that men in the Bay Area often come across as overly calculated and not particularly romantic. This could be attributed to the high concentration of tech professionals, who tend to be more logical and analytical in their approach to relationships. Similarly, one of my male friends in Seattle mentioned his struggles in finding a good partner, leading him to consider moving to New York for a more diverse and potentially rewarding dating pool. He's even thinking about taking pottery classes to meet women more naturally.
In contrast, cities like LA and NY boast more diverse industries, leading to a richer cultural experience and, arguably, a more vibrant social scene. The blend of different industries and cultures makes these places exciting to live in and explore.
In my case, I met my husband through dating apps. At that time, I used dating apps such as CoffeeMeetBagel and EME. I remember filtering through many profiles, but there were still some decent guys to talk to. We even had a long-distance relationship for a while since I was in LA and he was in the Bay Area.
Reflecting on my own marriage, which began almost five years ago at the onset of the pandemic, I've navigated numerous ups and downs. My husband has been a steadfast source of support through it all, and this mutual support has been a cornerstone of our relationship. Despite occasional arguments, we generally maintain a peaceful dynamic, which has led me to ponder why this is the case.
From my perspective, much of our harmony comes from having realistic expectations of each other. Living in an expensive area like the Bay Area, we're both focused on building our careers and are not planning to have children. Financial stability is a concern, but we trust in our ability to manage as long as we are working and have plans in place.
A key insight I've gained is that healthy relationships thrive on balanced expectations. My husband doesn't pressure me to earn a specific amount, as long as I contribute in some capacity. This mutual understanding alleviates potential stress and fosters a supportive environment.
In contemplating the challenges of dating today, it's clear that high expectations play a significant role. Despite claiming to have minimal conditions, people often have extensive checklists that include factors like height, appearance, education, career, family background, and more. This creates a high barrier to finding a compatible partner.
Marriage, in my experience, is about supporting each other through life's challenges. When my husband decided to quit his job due to lack of promotion and high stress, I stood by him, understanding his need for change despite the tough job market. This mutual support is essential.
Ultimately, marriage means being there for each other, complementing each other's strengths and weaknesses. It's about finding someone who is kind, empathetic, passionate, and capable of setting boundaries. These qualities create a strong foundation for a lasting relationship.
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